Using the best within us to create and grow something together
Meet, discuss a subject, listen to each other and oneself – that is totally simple, and at the same time an art.
What are Listening-Dialogues good for?
You want /wish to
- Develop the next steps of your work with a colleague
- or organize a task you share
- or find solutions for a pending project with your partner
- or discover possibilities to distribute working hours
- or explore a current political issue with a friend
- or work with her or him on questions you share
- or pursue something which occupies you both
- or have just a conversation together about a subject you have chosen at random, inspired i.e. by a journal or a book.
This is what we developed Listening-Dialogues for, to follow up on such joint plans, tasks or questions, without pressure and in spite of this or especially because of this effectively. It is about cooperation and working together.
In case the subjects one wishes to talk about are linked to the relation between the partners in dialogue, there are more suitable forms to discuss these (i.e. Dialogues according to Michael Lukas Moeller).
How do Listening-Dialogues work?
You are not being interrupted while you speak.
You can pause while speaking to think.
You can listen without at the same time having to wait for the person speaking to pause, so you can voice your own thoughts.
You can concentrate on listening, without at the same time having to think about whar you are going to say, because this is what the times of silence are there for.
There are times of silence in which you can listen to what came up inside of you while you where voicing your thoughts.
The Listening-Dialogue does not need moderation.
What you need for a successful carrying out is described below:
What does one need for a Listening-Dialogue?
- A quite place, undisturbed space.
- A bit of optimism that together something can develop which surpasses what is available to the individual at present.
- Two sandglasses (30 Seconds and 15 Minutes) or a timer.
- Two chairs placed facing each other.
- A small table or a place to put the sandglasses or the timer.
- The 'Listening Card' to print in A 4. The small card is created by cutting it out and folding it. This card describes the basic attitude of the listener and the speaker. If needed, you can put this in front of you during the dialogue. The page “listen” or “speak” is facing up as actually needed.
- Sandglass or timer (30 Seconds) to initiate the change of roles and the times of silence to resonate.
- Sandglass or timer (15 Minutes) for the time of the dialogue with the option to extend for another 15 minutes.
Sandglasses of some size work better than timer. They are easier to handle, you cannot do anything wrong and they do not distract.
The ones most suitable you can purchase here: a 30 second sandglass and a 15 minutes sandglass
You can use a smartphone-app as a timer also, though this is not ideal, as they are visually restless and need more attention to be handled. The timer should be as simple as possible. We tried several and recommend these:
What is different about the Listening-Dialogue?
What is different, if one creates a large space for listening (for the other and oneself) within a dialogue? What are your experiences?
Please, share these with us and write to: [reply form]
I have a tendency to monologue, most likely to prevent the others from interrupting me. In this talk I could forget about that and quite quickly reach important points. At least it was that way. I knew somehow that no one is going to interrupt me as long as the clock has not been turned over.
First one thinks, the 30 seconds without talking are just holding up?postponing? a waste?. But then it was astonishing how much we did discuss.
I think this was the first time I ever listened to my friend.
I think, the breaks slow down in the beginning, but in the end they definitely accelerated everything.
Installing my own in a conversation is always a feat for me and is usually associated with the experience of being able to express something only incomplete. Here it went after some time totally easy.
I could be much more open and really listen, because I had the opportunity to say something myself at any time.
The best are the 30 seconds of silence, when nobody says anything. Without the silence it continues exactly where one was at. You know that. During the silence the subject somehow enlarges.
Originally we only meant to talk in the caravan about how to organize ourselves for tomorrow, who is going to do what. But in the end we planned a whole workshop through, in only ten minutes!
I could unfold myself in the subject much more than I experience this almost everywhere else.
For the first time her eyes were shining; otherwise her eyes are always somehow dull – or did I see her eyes for the first time?
That I could truly say something, made me wake up.
There is a special quality to it: No eating, no drinking, no one disturbing, you are not interrupted, you can always decide when to take turns – a unique talk.